Each of us has views and beliefs that we accept as our own and as we go through our lives we use them to guide us around situations that arise. As we grow into adults and are presented with a wider range of responsibilities, sometimes we find internal conflict getting in the way of a peaceful life. Usually that is when my clients find me.
I often am told ‘it is just the way I have always done it’ or ‘my parents did it that way so have done the same.’ Depending of the symptoms that appear as a result of ‘always doing it that way’ I can be told that it is hereditary. For example I may be told that ‘worrying is in the family’, or ‘everyone in my family is stressed’ or ‘all my family are overweight.’ So although you may use relaxation tapes, or go on every diet under the sun, nothing seems to work because in the back of your mind you have this belief that it is part of your DNA and therefore unable to do anything to change it.
When I first mention to my clients that these are learnt behaviours and if you can learn how to do it, you can learn how ‘not do it’ and do something else instead, my clients are indignant that they are powerless to change it. So many of them have asked; ‘Why would I be doing something to myself when I don’t like the side effects?’ I explain that they did not learn it consciously or deliberately, it was something learnt by the unconscious mind. Normally this is followed by a puzzled expression and a pause and then a ‘How?’ And this is what I tell them.
Imagine two cogs in your brain. A very large one that represents the unconscious mind as that is about 95% of you mind, and a smaller one for the conscious part of your mind. While you are developing inside the womb you are not conscious of growing as you are doing it unconsciously. So when thinking about these two cogs the large one is going round but the small one is not moving because it is not being used. When you are born this is how the cogs are working. Then as you grow you become more aware of what is going on around you. This awareness happens because your small cog starts to work, slowly at first and as the months and years pass it speeds up more. However, in those few years, the large cog has been unconsciously absorbing information, and now it has the benefit of being able to learn things outside of itself. It can learn about things that happen in the big wide world. Also the unconscious mind uses the peripheral vision so when you are laying in your crib looking at your mother making baby noises at you, your unconscious mind may be seeing something negative. For example your father looking annoyed because he is being ignored. So whatever is going on behind the scenes, so to speak, is what your unconscious mind will be noticing and because of the size of it, it is cleverly putting together all the different parts of what we call body language. By this I mean watching what the eyes are doing, the tilt of the head, the posture, voice tone and many more. This is a scientific fact that the police are now using to help them in solving crimes by using Hypnotherapists. The police want to know the whole picture and not just the part you saw.
Because the people around us have flaws and our unconscious minds are so tuned in to acute details and can learn others beliefs and views, and at the same time we are still learning about life and are dependent on those around us, we then start adopting others views and beliefs as our own and without question.
This is just an analogy and not scientific but it gives you an idea of how clever our brains are.
A little bit of advice on helping yourself is to start looking at your beliefs and views and check if they are really yours and you are happy with them. Remember nothing is written in stone. You can change whatever you chose to. You may find it easier to get a professional to show you how to do this as very different from what you have been doing. But once you have learnt how, you can easily do it with whatever crops up for you.
If you want more information please email; Barbara@equinox-coaching.co.uk or ring 01279 831165 and leave a message. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Thank you! I hope you enjoyed the read.